Alone on the Holidays
Hello, my friends and Happy Holidays! I hope you are doing well as we enter the last few weeks before Christmas. The holiday season can be an extremely exciting time of year and at the same time it can be very challenging. It can be a time of great joy to be spent with a loving family and caring friends for some and for others it can be an emotionally challenging time due to strained relationships, loss, regret, and maybe grieving the loss of someone that made the holidays perfect for you in the past.
Let me ask you a question. It’s just you and me talking as good friends. No agendas, no other motives, no prying into your personal stuff. Just a question, and please be honest.
Have you ever wished you could be alone?
As an extreme extravert I can’t imagine ever wanting to be alone. But since I asked you to be honest, I must do the same. Yes, there was a time I envied a total stranger because he was alone and I wanted to be exactly like him. Let me share this with you and see if it resonates.
There was a time about eight or nine years ago when I was visiting my mother-in-law down in Florida. She lives in a 55 and over community near Tampa and her daughter also has a place in the same community and we were staying there for a few days around this time of year between Christmas and New Years for a quick vacation before the start of the new year. I had just completed a very hectic and stressful period at work where I was covered up with work and deadlines. Everyone was pushing hard to get the work done before Christmas. In addition, the pressure of getting everything ready for Christmas was adding stress. I think you know the feeling, but I felt like I was always 15 minutes late for something. The traffic was always backed up and many of the people seemed to be seriously lacking that “Christmas Spirit.” In short, I really wanted some relief from the hustle and bustle of life during the holidays.
The homes in this community were not very far apart and as I was coming back to my sister-in-law’s place one evening I happened to notice an older gentleman sitting alone in his living room next door. He had his dinner out on a TV tray and was watching a game on the tube. I didn’t see anyone else in there with him, and he seemed to be enjoying himself. In the moment, I remember thinking to myself, I wish I was that guy. It looked like he didn’t have a care in the world and no one to bother him and put stress on him. Just enjoying a game on the tube and having some dinner. It is very hard for me to be alone but at that time it looked pretty good to be honest. I actually envied a total stranger that was Alone for the Holidays. Be careful about what you wish for sometimes. In the span of a few years, I ended up just like him and the reality was way different than what I thought it would be.
There are a lot of ways to be alone. Not all of them are bad. But some of them can be incredibly hard.
I think about a field goal kicker that comes into a stadium of 80,000 people with the game on the line and he misses and his team loses. He is alone in a crowd.
I think about people who alone in a relationship that is going nowhere and just want to be happy again. They are alone in a house full of people.
I think about being in a position of leadership and you have to make a difficult decision that you know is not going to be popular. Leadership can be a very lonely place to be.
I think about the people that stand up for something (their faith, beliefs, convictions) they believe in knowing that others will mock them, insult them, ridicule them for what they believe. It is hard to stand up under that. Each of my daughters went through that when they were in college and they stood up against a mocking professor regarding their beliefs in God and social issues like abortion. I was so very proud of them, but I knew that they must have felt very alone.
I think about leaving the hospital ICU and coming back home to an empty house after Michelle passed. I have never felt more alone in my life. I will never forget that day and how I felt.
I think about an innocent Christ dying a miserable death on the cross for my sins and feeling forsaken by God. I can’t imagine feeling anymore alone than that.
For me, being Alone for the Holidays is a tough one, especially when that used to be such a fun time. So, as an avid overthinker I asked myself this question, Does God isolate us on purpose? There are things that happen to us in “the waiting” and that is what my blog will be about today.
As the holidays are coming around again and I look back at what I believe God has done in my life in “the waiting” and how being alone has changed me for the better over the past several years since I lost my wife, my brother, my parents and a lot of friends. This is not meant to be a pity party but a celebration with a very thankful heart.
Thanks for your time today and I hope you hang around a little longer and hear what God has done for this Tire Builders kid from Akron. I hope it helps you in some way or helps you get through if you are Alone for the Holidays.
But First…A Joke:
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends on how many it took under the previous administration.
Bonus Dad Joke:
Kid: Hey, my fortune cookie is empty!
Dad: That’s unfortunate.
A Verse to Contemplate:
Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil, who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness, who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. - Isaiah 5:20
Have I Told You This One?
I have been told many times that I have “RBF.” For those of you who don’t know what that is (I was one of them until my girls filled me in), RBF stands for Resting *itch Face. It is that mean face you walk around with and are not aware that you look like you want to fight. You tend to be surprised when someone says, Hey Mark, what’s with the RBF? Who you mad at?
The other side of that is that when you are walking around in a crowd and you have a serious case of RBF, and you lock eyes with someone you know, and the mean face disappears, and this wide grin and smile take its place. Ever seen that? Of course you have. It is always nice to see someone you know when you are in a group of strangers.
Over the past few weeks, I have had the opportunity to talk to four friends who have experienced great loss and are feeling Alone for the Holidays. Three of them have lost their wives and one had lost their son. They all shared the same struggle in that they recently lost their loved ones and now are facing their first holiday season without them and they are feeling sad and lonely. There is something about the holidays that intensifies the loss. I’m sure I am not the only one that feels that.
So, like walking in a crowd and feeling alone and then all of the sudden seeing someone you know it was great to be able to reach out and give them some time and a hug to see how they were handling things. We are all not kids anymore and being an adult is serious work most of the time, but it is really nice to stop and have someone look you in the eye and sincerely care and say, “let’s talk about what’s going on with you” or “how are you doing…REALLY?”
We are all card-carrying members in a lousy club that no one wants to be a member in. We all can feel that loneliness and sadness but are smart enough not to say, “I know how you feel.” We all know that it is very hard be Alone for the Holidays, especially the first ones.
I used to think why would anyone choose to be alone, that is just nuts. But after going through all that I have experienced over the past few years, I totally understand. It is hard to explain but sometimes you just need to be alone. To heal. To think. To grieve. To cry. To be pissed at the world. Then I thought, maybe they do not WANT to be alone, but they are not sure how to get out once you get in. Grieving is hard work, and it takes its toll on you. It leaves some pretty big scars. It really helps to talk to someone that you can compare scars with and that is what I hope I was to these guys when we talked. I can’t “fix” their situation no more than anyone can fix mine, but it is nice to see a familiar face in the crowd that changes your mean face to a smile. It is comforting to be understood.
One of the things I passed along to them was to consider the season you are experiencing in life. How might God be growing you to praise Him or to trust Him more? I know that He does not waste our pain and that everything we go through can be used to praise Him and/or show us how much He loves us. I will admit it is hard to see sometimes but nonetheless it is true.
After these conversations with these men, I took the time to do a little introspective examination of myself, and it gave me something to smile about as well. I realized that I am strong enough emotionally, spiritually, and physically to come alongside a brother that was going through what I went through. There was a time when I really needed to be helped and now that others have poured into me, I am able to pour into them. And I am very glad to do it.
In the big scheme of life there is coming a time when we all will stand alone before God and will have to give an account for our lives. I want that day to be a great one where He smiles at me and says, “well done good and faithful servant.” I never feel like I am worthy of those words, but my belief is that He will forgive me and welcome me into eternity.
We will never be alone there!
Have a great holiday season and please remember that there are many that are going through the hardest parts of their lives by being Alone for the Holidays this year. Stay alert and be that smile in a crowded room of mean faces.
Thanks again for your time to read this.
A Prayer:
Spirit of God, I am incapable of loving and honoring others on my own. Empower me to love and honor those in the same way You shower me with Your unmerited mercy, grace, and love.
Book Recommendation:
Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis (1952)
Music Recommendation:
Coming of Age by Camel (1998)
Quote of the Day:
“What’s another word for Thesaurus?” - Steven Wright
Cool Place to Visit:
Navarre Beach, Florida