I Owe Ya

Have you ever had the good fortune to be with someone, and they do something nice for you? It was unexpected and it made your day and made you think differently about that person. They may have decided to pick up the check at dinner, buy you a coffee, do you a favor, or help you out of a jam. You feel grateful and a little indebted and to let them know you noticed their kindness you say, “Thanks so much, I Owe Ya,” leaving the door open to pay them back in kind. Sometimes the opportunity never presents itself and we never get to return the favor, and we wish we could have. A little kindness can go a long way. Frankly, we could use a lot more of that today, but I digress.

Valentine’s Day is this weekend, Saturday to be exact. It was also on a Saturday fifty years ago in 1976 when I took my late wife Michelle on our first date together. I was fifteen and she was fourteen. Just a couple of youngsters from Tire Town heading out to a dance. We double dated with a friend and his date and our dads split the chauffeur duties to the school and then to the restaurant after for dinner (Thanks guys, I Owe Ya.). I did not know it at the time, but that night was the start of 45-year romance which would still be going on if life had not intervened in such a brutal way in 2021.

I remember the theme song being Nights in White Satin by The Moody Blues. There were red and pink heart decorations to get our pictures taken by. I borrowed a Saturday Night Fever outfit from my friend down the street (I Owe Ya!). Michelle reminded me of Linda Ronstadt, and she had on a dress that she had to go out and shoot a couch to secure. Ah, the 70’s. She looked amazing. So, beautiful. So, innocent. I remember being just overcome by her that night. It seemed to last forever. I hated the night to end as I walked her up to her door wondering if I was going to get a smooch (I did not). Always the gentleman, right? I remember having a tough time getting to sleep that night. I think I have thought of her every night since.

Let us be honest here, Valentine’s Day is a made-up holiday. Men generally do not like it but know that you must play along because the ladies certainly do like it. I mean what does a guy get for Valentine’s Day? It is clearly for the ladies and that is fine, they deserve to be treated well. It is always wise and worth the effort to remember the important women in your life. When my girls lived at home, they always got flowers from me on Valentine’s Day. I wanted them to know that I cared, and I wanted to build an expectation that the guys in their lives should follow. I am proud and happy to say that they do (Thanks Brent, Al, and Jacob).

Jeff Foxworthy in one of his comic bits talks about buying roses for his lady on Valentine’s Day and being complimented on his choice by other women at the store and they say to him, “Aren’t the roses so beautiful and don’t they smell nice?” and his reply was “I guess, it smells like $50 bucks to me.”

It is nice to be in a great relationship and enjoy each other. It is an exciting time for being in love. Unless you are not. It is bittersweet for me now because it brings back a lot of memories about the start of my lifelong relationship with the love of my life. This week the memories have started flowing back in waves and it got me thinking about her and all the Valentine’s Days we got to be together.

I find myself alone again on another Valentine’s Day this year. Not looking for sympathy, just a fact. I am getting used to it, I guess. It has been four years now. I went back to work after retiring about three years about a month ago. I am excited about it but one of the major surprises is that when I come back to the house after work it makes me feel a lot lonelier. I was not expecting that, and it has been an adjustment.

I remember when we were married, I could not wait to get back to the house to her and the girlies. The reality I live with now is that no one really wants my time, advice, or help. There is no one to talk to, no one to spend time with, no one to eat dinner with. You get the idea. It has been a big adjustment, and it is hard. I thought once I started dating about 18 months ago that the women I would meet and spend time with would be like her. My dating life had been on hold since 1976. What did I know?

I spent a great deal of time reflecting on how blessed I was to have known and loved such an amazing woman and the great debt I owe to her and how she changed my life and made it better. That is what my blog will be about today, saying thank you to her for all the wonderful things she did for me and what a blessing it was to be with her for the time God allowed. Thanks, baby, I Owe Ya!

Thank you for taking some time to read along today. Stick around a bit longer, I think you might enjoy hearing about a love story from long ago as we inch our way to another Valentine’s Day. I Owe Ya!

But First…. A Joke:

A police officer pulls over a semi-truck. He gets the usual license and registration, but hears strange noises coming from the trailer, so he decides to investigate. Inside, he finds fifty penguins.

“Sir, why do you have fifty penguins in your truck?” The officer asks the driver.

“Well, they’re my friends, and we like to go on journeys together in my truck.” the man replies.

“I am sorry sir, but you cannot just own fifty penguins. I am afraid you are going to have to take them to the zoo.”

The man agrees and drives off. The very next day the same police officer pulls over the truck again, and once again hears strange noises in the trailer. He goes to check and finds the same fifty penguins.

“I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday!” The police officer angrily tells the driver.

“I did take them to the zoo! They loved it! Today we are headed to the beach.”

Bonus Dad Joke:

How many apples grow on an apple tree?

All of them.

A Verse to Contemplate:

He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. - Matthew 5:45

Have I Told You This One?

The rest of this blog will be an open letter to Michelle. 

So, what started in an old gym in Akron, Ohio in February of 1976 ended on August 22, 2021, in the ICU at a hospital in Kennesaw, Georgia. During the past four years I have spent a lot of time alone. I have thought about you every day. I had the perfect woman for me. You were God’s choice for me. I know that without a doubt. It did not take me four years to figure that out, but time has cemented that into my heart and mind since you have gone. You made me a better man (I Owe Ya!). But I owe you so much more than that. 

My Wish List - I Owe Ya

I wish I could hear you sing again. I wish I could stare into those blue eyes. I wish I could hold your hand. I wish I could hear you making coffee in the morning. I wish I could hear you call me Markus. I wish I could get one of those hugs from you that made me feel alive, loved, and valued. I wish I could travel the world with you as we planned. I wish I could get a smooch every day before I left and when I returned. I wish I could give you one of the shoulder massages I said I did not have time for. I wish I could see you hugging your grandkids. I wish I could hear you laugh at one of my stupid jokes. I wish I could ask you to stop by the dry cleaners for me to know full well that you will not.

My Miss List - I Owe Ya

I miss you. I miss us. I miss how you “got” me. I miss the depth of our conversations (I have come to loathe surface level talks with strangers). I miss discussing the service after church. I miss studying Scripture with you. I miss serving together at church and in our community. I miss your peace. I miss your calmness. I miss you pointing at me and telling your friends, “Look there is my big dumb animal over there.” I miss being around someone that does not play games and just says what they want to say (I am a terrible mind reader). I miss how you made me laugh at myself. I miss seeing you live out your faith, not just talking about it. I miss being encouraged by you. I miss being a priority in your life.

My Thank You List - I Owe Ya

When you were here, I tried to always remember to say thank you for the mountain of things you did for me and our family. I am sure now that I did not. So here goes: Thank you for loving me, for fighting for me, for sticking with me, for being devoted to me. Thank you for being my “holy sandpaper” by holding me accountable, not letting me take the uncomplicated way out, not letting me lie, for rebuking me, for reconciling me, for forgiving me, for challenging me, for setting an extremely high bar. Thank you for supporting me in private and in public. Thank you for wearing that inexpensive wedding ring for 20 years and for being proud of it. Thanks for building me up to the girls. Thank you for believing in me even though I gave you reasons to doubt me. Thank you for reminding me of my obligation to lead and allowing me to do so. Thank you for being an equal partner in our relationship. Thank you for saying, “You’re not wearing THAT, right?” Thank you for NOT loving me more than God. Thank you for never having to worry about your baggage/history because I knew it and was a proud part of it. Thank you for loving me so well that I never questioned being loved by you.

I doubt that I will ever find anyone like you again. I hope that if it is God’s will for me to meet someone then he will make it happen. in his perfect timing. I put myself back out there about 18 months ago and it has been a mine field at times and nice at other times. Apparently, I am just too much of something or not enough of something else. Honestly, I do not even think I am going to keep trying for much longer. I am learning to be okay by myself. I cannot seem to find the right connection. I am trying but….

I think you will be amazed at how far I have come since you left. Check this out: I can cook some, put stuff together from directions, make the bed every day, keep the house spotless, do the laundry, buy groceries, do the dishes, buy my own clothes, and fold a fitted sheet (okay, that last one was a lie). I seriously have come to realize how much you did for me and how much you kept off me so that I could chase my dreams. I cannot believe all the stuff you were able to get done. It wears me out.

Here is to fifty years of Valentine’s Day memories. That silly made-up holiday that comes around in the middle of February every year. You made them fun and now it is time to think back to much happier days. Thank you for such great memories of a life well lived. I Owe Ya!

Quoting Jackie Gleason from The Honeymooners… “Baby, You’re the Greatest!”

A Prayer:

Lord, please grant me strength to persist in faith despite adversity, my own sin and falling short of your holy standard. Help me endure trials with unwavering resolve and trust in your promises. Forgive me for any deeds and selfish motives from me that may lead people away from you. Help me to reconcile with those I have hurt and with those who have hurt me. Show me the bridge to peace and reconciliation. May you be glorified through it all. Amen

Book Recommendation:

The Resolution for Men by Steven & Alex Kendrick with Randy Alcorn (2011)

Music Recommendation:

Red Octopus by Jefferson Starship (1975)

Quote of the Day:

“Sometimes we get so caught up in our own stories that we forget we’re part of someone else’s.” - V.E. Schwab in Invisible Life of Auddie LaRue.

Cool Place to Visit:

Big Sur, California