Lift Your Head

Hello again! It has been a minute, but I am back with another installment of the Stories and Tales of a Tire Builder’s Kid also known as the Table for One blog. It amazes me how fast time zips by now that I went back to work after trying retirement out for a few years. I think it has been about a month since my last one. I try to think of something interesting to talk about but sometimes it takes me a little time to iron it all out. Thank you for your patience.

Time for a survey. Raise your hand if the world has ever beaten you down (some of you are not being honest). Okay, that looks like most of us have a hand in the air. Normally, you are up for the fight but sometimes (not every time), the battle just gets the better of you. I know what you are thinking, “It’s just life Mark pull up your big boy pants and get back in there you whiner.” Fair enough, there is an expectation that everyone should carry their own weight, but what happens when that weight becomes a load? Think of a school kid on the bus. He is expected to carry his own backpack but not three of them. Let’s give ourselves a break and agree that life can be more than a little challenging at times and the weight we carry turns into a load.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we all had a button so that when we see someone that did not appear to be at their best we could push it and it would indicate what was wrong so that we could know how we might be able to help? Well, we do not have that but sometimes body language gives us a good hint. One way I have noticed that people who feel banged up react is when they drop their head or drop their eyes. It usually is a dead giveaway that they are hurting, feeling defeated, sad, or maybe all the above.

I have a vivid memory from back in high school of a time when we came off the football field after getting our rear ends handed to us and just feeling awful. It felt like a complete failure. We did not do anything right and just got our doors kicked in by a much better team. We were sitting in the field house waiting for the coach to come in and light us up by berating us on our disappointing performance (we deserved it but really did not want to go through it). He came in and everyone had their heads down and braced for the onslaught. He got up in front and was quiet for what seemed like an hour even though it was only a few moments and then he yells out… “GET YOUR HEADS UP!!” I honestly did not even notice that mine was down, but he walked down each row and lifted our heads and told us to keep them up. I will never forget that. He knew he couldn’t make us feel any worse, so he started to rebuild our confidence by challenging us to fight through it. Life can be that way too, right? Somedays you get your doors kicked in and others you must carry your load. Either way, Lift Your Head.

When I retired and went through the initial phases of my grieving the loss of my wife, I was using travel as my therapy for dealing with a lot of things including sadness, grieving, boredom, loneliness, anger, stress, and tiredness. If any of those things started to make the walls close in on me at the palatial Rutledge Estate in Woodstock, I would jump on a plane or in the car and head out for an adventure until I got myself back to center and then I would head back to Georgia. I found it tough to be away from my kids and grands so I would not wander too long but it helped for sure.

Anything making you drop your head today? If I pushed that button, what would it tell me that you are fighting through? What is weighing you down? Lift Your Head.

I was in an accountability group with some other brothers on Saturday mornings and one of the guys was a professional counselor and he told us about an acronym that is used for people in recovery called HALT. The HALT acronym stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. It is used to identify crucial risk states in emotional well-being. These risk states can significantly impact decision-making and reactions to situations. By recognizing when we are experiencing hunger, anger, loneliness, or tiredness, we can take proactive steps to avoid impulsive actions and make healthier choices for our emotional and mental health. Another similar acronym is HALTBSS which includes Bored, Stressed, and Scared.

Right before the Fourth of July weekend this year I noticed that of the seven states, I was experiencing six and had been for a while. It was past time for me to go on with one of my adventures but more importantly I needed a reset. I just wanted to be out of Atlanta. The big city can wear on your patience, and I was tired of it being “Groundhog Day” repeatedly. I had been thinking about it a lot (getting away) but was not doing anything about it. Maybe I need to add an eighth state called Procrastination (or LAZY). I just needed the right motivation to get Rut out of the rut he was in (referring to yourself in the third person and by a nickname is bold don’t you think?).

Well, that motivation showed up in the form of a text from a dear friend back in Akron informing me of some hard news. Her husband, a lifelong friend of mine and one of the greatest guys I have ever known, had just found out that he has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I was shaken. I did not want to freak out in front of her because I know how much they love each other and how hard this must be for her to deal with, but this news was devastating. Cancer. Stage 4. Dammit! Another friend in the fight of their life.

She cared enough about me to send me a personal note so that I did not find out on Facebook. She knew that I would understand having gone through some hard stuff of my own after the past several years including the passing of Michelle who she had been friends and roommates with when we were all much younger. I felt honored that she would care that much. I immediately called her and we talked for a while about it. I ended the call by praying for her and letting her know that I would be coming home soon for a visit. I skipped the normal platitudes but wanted to help so much but felt helpless. After I hung up the phone I felt my head drop. I’m not sure what “good” I can do but I just felt an overwhelming need to be there and not here. I booked a flight on Delta and started to pack.

As Bob Seger sang in the 1978 hit song, Hollywood Nights:

“He’d headed west ‘cause he felt that a change would do him some good, see some old friends, good for the soul.” Well, Bob went west and I went north and I agreed with him, it was good for my soul.

I hope you stick around for a little longer. I would love to share my story about my latest trip to my hometown to see my friends. His head was lifted for sure. I would expect nothing less from such an impressive man. It was an amazing trip, and it changed me in profound ways.

Lift Your Head.

But First… A Joke:

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three.

He says, “uno, dos…” and poof!!

He disappears without a tres.

Bonus Dad Joke:

I only seem to get sick on weekdays.

I must have a weekend immune system.

A Verse to Contemplate:

But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high - Psalm 3:3

Have I Told You This One?

As I buckled into my seat for my flight to Cleveland my thoughts drift back to my friend Randy and the conversation I had with Courtney about the cancer diagnosis. Is this really happening? Not to this family. Not to my friends. Selfish right? These are REALLY good people that seem to do everything the “right” way. I struggle to understand when stuff like this happens to people that I really know and love. At my age this happens much too frequently now. I am an admitted overthinker and this one has me all tangled up.

Throughout my life, I’ve struggled through the deaths of my wife, parents and brother, the feeling of not being enough, working two jobs at the same time, marriage conflicts, kidney transplants, my grandson’s health at birth, cancer treatment, career upheaval, challenging children, and financial disappointments. My Savior has seen me through each one. Now I am coming to Him in confidence to heal my friend… and to Lift My Head.

On the flight back to the Motherland, I put my noise reduction headphones on and began to think back over all the years I had known my good buddy and I started smiling a lot. We met back in the late 1970s when Michelle and Court moved in together right after high school. They were both moving out on their own for the first time while Randy and I headed to college to make ourselves marketable in the business world.

Randy was home from Ohio University, and I was at The University of Akron when we met through our girls at their small first apartment. I immediately liked him once I caught him cheating at Uno when the girls weren’t paying attention because they were too busy yapping, so I started cheating too and he caught me doing so. We smirked and each other and the girls didn’t figure it out until we won about five in a row and they stopped talking and paid attention.

As we swapped stories, I found out that he had played for Kenmore as a running back when I was a linebacker at Ellet. We only won one game that year and it was against Kenmore. We stopped them on a fourth and one at the goal line to win. To this day he says he was in. I have never let him forget that he was not! I’ve only brought it up a hundred times over the forty plus years we have been friends. It always makes my day to hear him bellow…” I was in.”

Our dads knew each other from working at General Tire and playing ball at The Chapel and bowling in the recreation leagues. Randy and I played together for the same church teams, but we decided to skip the tire factory part. We both lived on the working man side of town in East Akron and had family stories that were remarkably similar. We found a lot to connect with each other. 

We were married two weeks apart from one another. Once we graduated, we were going to move to Georgia together. He had family in Marietta and talked us into moving south. Forty years plus, I am still waiting for him to leave Akron. He stayed and built a great financial services business and an even better family founded on God. I admire him greatly (you may have noticed).

Recently, he came to Atlanta to watch Ohio State and Georgia play in the Peach Bowl and then later when The Browns played the Falcons. Both losses. I forbade him from stepping into the state for sporting events, he is bad luck! Straight up bad juju.

I read in a book about overthinking that, if you find that you ruminate (having the same thoughts (usually negative) over and over and not being able to let go of them, try getting out into a natural environment like a beach, walking trail, or park (as opposed to something manmade, like a shopping center). One study showed that a 90-minute walk reduced neural activity in an area of the brain linked to risk for mental illness - and lowered levels of rumination. So, when I got back into Akron, I spent most everyday walking in my favorite park, Goodyear Metro in East Akron trying to lessen my ruminating ways. There was a lot going through my head.

As I waited for a week to see my friends due to him not feeling great, doctor’s appointments, work commitments, Court being hospitalized for anxiety, and a steady flow of other family and friends visiting, I took the opportunity to enjoy myself a little. I had a nice long visit with my sister and her family, I met up with about a dozen old friends from high school at a winery out at Portage Lakes, I celebrated the July 4th holiday with family and friends until we got drenched by a thunderstorm (welcome to Ohio), I had dinner with my nephew and his wife, I had lunch with an old girlfriend that has been a great friend since the junior high school romance, I drove around the streets of my hometown and let the memories flood back on me, and I enjoyed the place I go that to me is the most peaceful place I have ever been which is the bench on top of the sledding hill at the park. I don’t know what it is about that spot, but I am always at peace when I’m there, so I went there a bunch because I really needed some peace.

Friday rolls around and it is time to finally see my friend. As I am driving to their home the butterflies are hitting my stomach and the ruminating starts up again. Too many “what if” and “what about” questions for my brain to process. I pull in and take a deep breath and then head for the door.

I am greeted by a familiar face on a not familiar body. His trademark smile and quick wit are clearly still in place. He tells me that he has lost one hundred pounds. I noticed some extra gray in his hair and the bandages from all the blood tests. I give him a big hug and tell him that he did not make it in on fourth down from the goal line and he laughs and tries to correct me to let me know that in fact he did get in and that the refs were paid off. Priceless. I meet several of the grandkids that are there and give Court a hug as she steps out so that Randy and I could talk. It is like old times and felt so good. Two old friends (not ole) enjoying some time together with the ghost of reality hanging over us. I hope Court could hear us laughing together from the other room, she could use a smile or two. I was able to completely enjoy my time.

Lift Your Head

Randy knows the situation is serious, however his attitude, his faith, his perspective, his outlook are not shaken. He is still seeing clients, running his business, and planning trips in the future. His head is not down; it is in fact lifted straight up and he is taking the battle to the enemy. THAT is my friend and I would expect nothing less. I’m enormously proud of the man he became and am amazed at how he is holding up and dealing with all of this.

The people God used mightily in Scripture were all ordinary people to whom He gave divine assignments that they never could have initiated. The Lord often took them by surprise, for they were not seeking significant mandates from God.

Ephesians 3:20 - Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.

I’m there for about 90 minutes and then another group comes to visit so I excuse myself and get up to leave. I give him a hug and tell him that I love him and that I am proud of him. My head dips but I catch myself and stand straight up and look him in the eye and let him know that I meant every word. Court walks me out and I can see the concern and worry on her face even though she forces her beautiful smile. I know it is a lot for her to manage, and she is an overthinker like me. My heart deeply hurts for her as I struggle to find the right words to say that never come. We talk for another 30 minutes in the driveway, and I pray with her before heading out.

Lift Your Head

The imagery of God as the lifter of the head reminds Christians that their dignity, confidence, and perspective are upheld by Him, encouraging a posture of trust and praise in daily life. It emphasizes God’s protection and restoration, showing that He raises the believer’s dignity and courage in times of trouble. It encourages believers to remain steadfast and hopeful, anticipating God’s deliverance.

I heard a song on a Christian station the other day and some of the lyrics were, “What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near? What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise.” What if…..

If today your problems seem unbearable, ask Him to give you encouragement and strength to accept His ways, which are always good. You can be glad in God. Your circumstances may be in a sad state, but our Savior can bring a smile to your face. I can’t help but be grateful when I think of the situations the Lord, by his grace, has led me through.

I hope that if I find myself in a comparable situation to my friends that my testimony will be as strong and impactful as theirs are to me.

Normally I lower my head when I pray, but today I am asking the Lord to lift my head so he can see my eyes when I go to him confidently and ask that he heal my brother and friend. He is one of the good guys and we need him.

I know my friend and he will accept whatever God’s plan turns out to be, but I would love to see God glorified in a mighty way through this. God does not need to do miracles to prove who He is, but He is still in the miracle business, and I am praying for one.

Lift My Head Lord

A Prayer:

Lord, I’m grateful that your Word never fails and that it endures forever. Having the right shield matters! You Lord defend me and define me. You restore my value. You give me rest in the chaos of life. You sustain me when enemies surround me. You lift my head so that I can see you, so that I can see into your eyes. May your eternal truth transform my life. Thank you for your timeless wisdom and love. Thank you for always lifting my head. Amen.

Book Recommendation:

The Awe of God (The Astounding Way a Healthy Fear of God Transforms Your Life) by John Bevere (2023)

Music Recommendation:

Black Rain by Fish on Friday (2020)

Quote of the Day:

“Words really flattering are not those which we prepare but those which escape us unthinkingly.” - Ninon de L’Enclos

A Cool Place to Visit:

Cloudland Canyon State Park - Rising Fawn, Georgia